If you’re a single man dreaming of fatherhood, surrogacy can prove to be a meaningful way and viable path to creating a family of your own. Surrogacy has traditionally been associated with couples, but more single men than ever are exploring this life-changing option.
So, whether you have a lifelong desire to be a parent, have a deep connection to family, or simply feel ready, single dads are building their families through surrogacy with great success.
This step-by-step guide will walk you through just about everything you need to know when it comes to finding the right surrogate mother as you begin your journey of single man surrogate mother parenting.
Step One: Decide If Surrogacy Is Right for You
Before you jump into your search for the perfect surrogate, you need to determine if surrogacy actually aligns with your values, goals, and available resources. Here are a few things to keep in mind:
- Are you prepared to be a solo parent and meet the physical and emotional demands of raising a child?
- Surrogacy is a big financial investment. Are you financially prepared for the journey?
- Do you have trusted friends or family who can provide you with support before, during, and after?
As a single man, you will need to also think about how you will explain your child’s origins to them in an age-appropriate and loving manner down the line. Many agencies and professionals recommend working with a counselor who specializes in family building through surrogacy.
You also need to consider location. Since it’s a significant financial investment, it might be a good idea to consider international surrogacy, which is often more affordable than options in Western countries like the US and Canada. Gay surrogacy in Armenia, for example, is becoming a popular option and destination for single gay men looking to build a family.
Step Two: Understand the Types of Surrogacy
There are two primary types of surrogacy available:
- Gestational: This is when the surrogate has no genetic connection to the baby. The embryo is created using IVF.
- Traditional: This is when the surrogate uses her own egg, which makes her biologically related to the child. This option is less common and can present more legal complications overall.
For most single intended fathers, gestational surrogacy with an egg donor is the preferred option and the easier route legally.
Step Three: Choose Between Independent Surrogacy and an Agency
Single men will often require a bit of extra guidance, which makes working with a surrogacy agency a smart move. Agencies can offer full-service support that includes matching you with a screened surrogate, legal coordination, IVF clinic referrals, and emotional and logistical support.
Some intended parents may also choose the independent surrogacy route, where they manage everything themselves. This can be less expensive, but it is also much more complex and time-consuming. This might be the better option if you already have a potential surrogate or have a strong legal and medical team already in place.
Step Four: Select an Egg Donor
Since you will be using your sperm, you will need an egg donor to create the embryo. This can be done through your surrogacy agency, independent egg donor databases, or fertility clinics with donor programs in place. You will look closely through their medical history, education, physical characteristics, and interview.
Step Five: Match With a Surrogate Mother
Finding the right surrogate is about more than just medical compatibility. It is also about shared values, clear communication, and trust. When you work with an agency, you will receive the profiles of potential surrogates, and if there’s a mutual interest, you can meet and get to know each other better.
Some key questions to explore with a potential surrogate include:
- Her previous birth experiences
- Motivation for becoming a surrogate
- View on communication throughout the pregnancy
- Preferences around birth plans and involvement
Agencies conduct thorough and complete screenings to ensure the surrogate is physically and emotionally healthy, has already had a successful pregnancy, and fully understands the process.
What to Look for in a Surrogate Mother
Regardless of the path you take, whether it’s through an agency or independently, you need to find a surrogate who aligns with your values, expectations, and parenting vision.
- Healthy medical history: The surrogate you choose has had at least one successful pregnancy with no major complications.
- Emotional stability: Surrogacy can be emotionally demanding. Find someone with a stable support system and realistic expectations.
- Clear motivations: A good surrogate is driven by altruistic goals rather than just a financial need
- Open communication style: You want to find someone comfortable updating you, asking questions, and openly discussing the pregnancy
What to Expect During the Matching Process
Once you identify a potential surrogate, you will usually go through a meeting to discuss birth plans, communication expectations, travel and insurance arrangements and more. Everyone should be on the same page and share the same enthusiasm for the match. If something feels off, it’s perfectly acceptable to wait for another match that feels right.
Final Thoughts
Becoming a parent through surrogacy as a single man is entirely possible and can be incredibly rewarding. While the road might have its fair share of bumps along the way, each step you take brings you closer to building the family you have always dreamed of. With the right professionals, emotional readiness, and legal guidance, you have everything you need to get started on your surrogacy journey with more confidence.
